she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
