i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize