Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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