My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
