Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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