you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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