She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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