Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
