Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
