In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
