I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
