I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
