I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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