you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
