Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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