you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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