6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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