hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
