i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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