Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize