Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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