Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
