Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
