His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
