I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
