Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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