he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
