I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize