it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
