Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
