6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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