Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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