I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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