I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
