Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
