If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize