just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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