Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
