dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
