I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
