Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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