I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
two words: eviction party
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
