he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is my gift to your gina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
