Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
