You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
