sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
