i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
