So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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