I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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