Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
