So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
