So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
