what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
