shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
