she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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