she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
