Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
