you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
