In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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