We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
