They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
