I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
