Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
