Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
