Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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