He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize