My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
