i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
