My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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