1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your tits are I can't wait for
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
