her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
