She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
