From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
