Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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