sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
