Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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