well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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