Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i think my cat just said my name.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize