Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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