census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
