she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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