No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
