Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
