sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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